finally!!! it‘s the first day since a time (that for me felt like forever) that‘s feeling like spring. the sun is shining, flowers everywhere, bees are flying and birds are chirping harmonically. the grass under me isn‘t wet and the coldness now comes only from inside - not from the weather. and it feels so good after this time of numbness & depression to listen to some music and drown into other thoughts than into overthinking about the bad things in my life - cuz there‘re many. but now i feel like i could fly! 

i‘m motivated to draw and write again and maybe tonight i will continue my novella. and i may text him again … shall i? it‘s been quite a long time.

two days ago, i had a lot of free time in school due to sickness of some teachers so i sat down in a place for myself and continued reading „The Cherry Blossom Bookshop“. after a while i wanted to listen to music bcz i never get the chance to listen to music but i didn’t want to stop reading either. so i played some piano songs and it turned out to be a great idea! without any lyrics or singing i could still concentrate on the words in front of me while listening to the calming and cozy melodies of the piano. at some parts i even could clearly hear the sound of the piano keys being pressed down while reading! it was beautiful!

here are songs and piano songs that i found very fitting to the athmosphere to that book. so whenever you want to read „The Vanishing Cherry Blossom Bookshop“ (it’s a great, healing book btw), try out listening to them too. it‘s kind of a special lil adventure.  

today i got some free time for the first time in a long while. i spent it drawing and playing Uno with my siblings. school was so stressful during the last weeks, that i never had a free second and when i went to bed, i couldn‘t even write something down in my journals or even continue my novel. 

i rly want to watch all the ghibli movies. i started with „my Neighbour Totoro“ but didn’t have time to finish it. but i find the aesthetic of the movies and the sceneries and characters from ghibli so beautiful and wholesome (even without having watched them) that i really want to see them.

time is the most precious thing that we have and we need to make the best out of it. the big problem is that it‘s so fast - faster than my mind. things change so quickly. i even now still sometimes think that i‘m 18, while i‘m already 19 years old! it‘s like my mind can‘t go as fast as the time and i really don’t like that. it makes me feel weak. 

so it felt rly nice to be able to do something for myself after all that time of studying and lack of sleep, of water and of self-love. and i like the picture i have drawn, even if i drew it with only some cheap crayons and it didn’t turn out perfect. i still like it. i never drew anything like this before. i think it‘s a good sign. maybe i will be able to continue writing my novel during the next days - that would be awesome! and i guess i will take some walks in the park again.

time becomes beautiful as soon as we have enough of it ❥

last friday we talked about dreams in school and that conversation was quite interesting because i have already thought so many times about that topic in my life - but when others talk with you about a topic, then you can see so many more opinions and new ideas. i find it so impressive how our mind works at night. your mind can show you, what your head was really busy with over the day and proccesses those thoughts through dreaming.

and i don‘t know if it is the same with everyone, but i sometimes dream of places and visit those places many times in many dreams - it‘s like visiting a parallel-world whenever i dream and i find that pretty cool (but a bit scary too). anyways, dreams are nice. and i like to interpret much into the dreams i dreamed, especially the bad ones.

for instance : last night i dreamed that i was in our old neighborhood (our family moved a few years ago) and the house had somehow burned down. the interesting thing: the day before i had talked to my sister about the old neighborhood and about memories we had from there. maybe my memory wanted to tell me with the dream: „past is past - you should finally leave it behind“?

hey.

i‘m sitting in the car with my family and driving to the czech republic rn. we won‘t stay long, just wanna experience the feeling of stepping into another country (which is not egypt ofc). In this moment it seems like the world maybe could become just fine in the future and all my problems and school are far, far away. i know this feeling will be gone soon so i want to secure it in my heart for the bad days. it is cold (under the zero) and the wind is blowing strongly but that’s just fine. i‘m still happy. happier than anywhere anytime else. 

oh, and today it‘s gonna be new years eve! i already want to wish you a happy and good new year - actually i‘m not into this celebrating another year that ended (like birthdays & the new year) because i don‘t think of it as a happy day. it just shows us how little of time we have and how fast it goes by. but i still wish everyone to cherish the good coming moments and the time we still have to create good in this world.

be happy & healthy ✧ 

today i saw these drinks in the supermarket and remembered how my former best friend used to call me spongebob bcz of my craziness as a kid. that time of happiness seems so far away, my child-me just like a different person. the memories i have of my days back then feel like those of a stranger. sometimes, when i rly notice how old i am already, a huge amount of sadness overcomes me. i miss childhood. in childhood there was freedom - no being stuck in my own mind and my overthinking. i was such a happy child. most of my happy and good memories have their place in my childhood. 

i wish i could go back to being young. i wish i could stop growing older.